February, 2010

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26
Feb 10

Fighting Tele-marketers

Being unemployed means that you end up spending a lot of time at home. At least, I have. Honestly, though, I like being at home. It makes me happy. And, I haven’t just been sitting around my house, playing WoW, and eating bon bons. I’ve been doing some freelance writing work. So, I guess I should have said that being unemployed, or being a freelance writer, means you spend a lot of time at home.

Since I am at home all the time, I am very aware of each time the phone rings. Shawn and I have been plagued with phone calls from tele-marketers lately. The phone will ring, and the caller ID will say something like “Unknown caller”, or will have an 800 number appearing, or say something like “Card Services”. These are tip offs that the person on the other end of the phone is someone who wants to sell me something.

Those that know me are aware that I am not one to sit quietly by and let something that is bothering me continue to happen, with no comment from me. I have decided to fight the tele-marketers, and see if I can make them stop calling my house all day long.

The first call came from The Bank. In my experience, if any bank wants to let me know about something important, it’s not going to do it over the phone. It’s going to send it by letter. This would be the first tele-marketer I would battle.

The girl on the phone asked for Shawn. I could hear several other voices of the people in the call center behind her. Each voice was harassing another unsuspecting person via telephone.

“He’s not here. Who is this?” I asked. She asked me if I was his wife, and I confirmed that. Next, she started her sales pitch. Something about did I want to take advantage of their offer of some kind of insurance on our bank account? It wouldn’t cost me a thing! She was happy to babble on, but I stopped her.

Here is the part where I must admit that I, too, once worked as a tele-marketer. I was in college, and I needed the money. I’m not proud of it. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and everyone makes mistakes when they are young. I’ll never do work like that again. It was horrible!

This is why I knew to cut off this tele-marketers speech when I did. I recognized right away that she was giving me the kind of sales pitch where if she gets to the end and you haven’t hung up yet, the tele-marketer takes that to mean that you agree, and will take whatever offer they are pushing today.

I hope that everyone reading this blog is aware that these kinds of offers, that “are no cost to you”, and have a “free” trial… come with hidden fees. You usually have to cancel it before the free trial ends, or they will start charging you for this service that you didn’t want in the first place. They are hoping that you will completely forget all about this particular service that they are selling, and won’t remember to call and cancel, and that they can continue to charge you lots of money.

Anyway, I cut off this tele-marketer before she could mark me down as a “sale”. I calmly explained that no, I am not interested in this service.

“But, it’s free!” she said. So, I explained that I know that there is a hidden fee if I took this offer and didn’t cancel it before the free trial ended. “I used to be a tele-marketer,” I said. Most tele-marketers don’t have a handy answer for that one. It stops them from talking for a second or two, and this is when you have a chance to get a few words in edgewise.

“We never, ever, ever, take offers that are given to us over the phone”, I explained. “If we want this, or any other service, we will go into the bank and ask for it. You guys have been calling my house nearly every day for the past few weeks. Please stop calling us now.”

“Ok, if you have any questions, please call…” and she rattled off a phone number. They have to do that. I think there might be some kind of fine involved if they don’t give out that phone number at the end. I remember having to rapidly spit out a phone number before someone hung up the phone on me. It’s not fun. Instead of listening to the number, I hung up the phone.

I thought maybe that was the end of that. I explained that they will get absolutely nowhere with trying to sell us anything. They would be rational, and stop wasting their time, right?

Wrong! A few days later, The Bank called again. Unimpressed, I picked up the phone. This time it was a young man on the other end of the phone. He too, wanted to know if Shawn was home. Once again, I said that no, Shawn wasn’t home, this was his wife.

The young man called me “Mrs. Mylastname”, and mispronounced it. He then went into the exact same sales pitch that the girl used the other day. Once again, I cut him off.

“Look, I know that this offer isn’t free, because these things always come with hidden fees if you don’t cancel it. I know this because I used to be a tele-marketer myself. You guys just called the other day, and I explained that to the girl on the phone. We never, ever, take offers over the telephone. If we want something from The Bank, we will just go in and ask…”

“Ma’am, rest.” the young man said. Rest? Is that like the new way to say chillax? Rest? Nobody has ever instructed me to “rest” before, except my doctor when I’ve been really sick.

“You guys call us nearly every day, and have for the past few weeks. Could you please stop calling us now?” I asked.

The young man said “Ok. If you have any questions, please call…” I hung up the phone.

I know from my experiences as a tele-marketer that there are certain ways to mark each call after you get off the phone with someone. Each place does it slightly differently, but, in general, there is supposed to be a code, or a set of numbers to use when a person refuses the offer. This should take that number off the dialer, so the call center doesn’t waste it’s time on “dead” leads.

There should be something specific and obvious in the system to let the bosses know that the person asked to not be called anymore, or asked to be “taken off the list”. Unless it’s changed, there is a law they are breaking if somebody tells them to stop calling and they continue to do so.

None of these codes will work, however, if the tele-marketer doesn’t bother to mark the call correctly. At this point, I figure the first girl didn’t make a note in their system that I had refused the offer. The second guy wouldn’t have any way of knowing that I had already been called, and said “no”. But, I figured, this second guy should mark down that I refused the offer, and they would stop calling. All was well.

Two hours later, the phone rang once more. It was The Bank, calling again! Now, I was getting angry! I picked up the phone, and barked “hello!” into it. Silence. “Hello?” I asked again.

Finally, some very exhausted woman answered the phone. She asked if I was “Mrs. Mylastname”, and didn’t pronounce it correctly. It’s a very simple last name! It has one syllable! Why are these fools getting that wrong, repeatedly?

“I am, but that’s not how you pronounce it.” I said. “Who is this?”

Instead of telling me who she was, she mumbled through the exact same sales pitch I had heard twice before. I cut her off as soon as possible.

“Look!” I told her, very unpleasantly, “You keep calling us! Well, not you, personally. First it was some other girl, and then a guy. You people just called me two hours ago about this same thing! I keep saying that I’m not interested, that I will never, ever, ever take an offer that comes to me by telephone, and that I want you to stop calling us. Can you manage to stop calling us now?”

The tired woman sighed, and started rattling off the same phone number. I hung up, once again.

The good news is that this finally worked. No one from The Bank has called to try and sell us something over the phone since then.

As I am writing this blog, the phone is ringing. It’s a tele-marketer from our Insurance Company, wanting to “schedule a time” for us to come in and talk about our policies. “Just to make sure that you are where you want to be at with those”. Translation: we want to go over your policies, and find some way to make more money from you.

The battle continues!

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19
Feb 10

EDD Needs a Calendar

I don’t think the EDD knows how to read a calendar. Maybe the problem is that it’s computers are too old to have a calendar function? I am starting to wonder if the entire department has some kind of comprehension disorder, and simply cannot understand the information found in a calendar.

Case in point… I got another piece of mail from the EDD today, February 18, 2010. It turned out to be a check, (Yay!), attached to a continued claim form. The good news is that this check means that I have finally found the proper combination of codewords and magic numbers to use in order to let the EDD know that I am working as a freelance writer.

“Piecework” + a guess about how many hours that equates to = check.

I didn’t have to wait all the way until February 22, 2010, after all, as I was afraid I would. Usually these checks/claim forms arrive on Mondays. Today is Thursday. I figured that perhaps, the reason it arrived on a Thursday was due to the little SNAFU, which required me to fill out the duplicate claim form to their very particular specifications.

But then, I thought about it.

This continued claim form says I am to mail it back on February 14, 2010. That would be…. let’s see… my calendar that was five days ago. Once again, the EDD assumes I can jump into a time machine, and magically mail this claim form on time.

The plot thickens! February 14 was a Sunday. The EDD still hasn’t realized that the US Mail does not pick up or deliver on Sundays. Which means that even if I had a magical time machine, it wouldn’t actually do me any good to have put this claim form into the mailbox on February 14. Either the EDD is completely oblivious to reality, which, from what I have seen so far, is entirely possible, or…. they really truly have set things up so that people will have an impossible time trying to send these forms back. And, of course, these forms are the way to make the checks come.

There is another detail I’d like to share. The envelope this check/continued claim form arrived in bears the postmark of “February 12, 2010″. February 12 was a Friday. This means the US Post Office received it on Friday, and stamped it. The EDD is not located in my town, which means that Saturday, February 13, this piece of mail was being sorted.

February 14, of course, being Sunday, would not have been at all conducive to getting this piece of mail to me. In which case, the mail should have arrived to me on Monday, February 15, 2010. This is usually what happens. I get it a day late, I mail it back the next day… and usually, all is well.

The EDD is a governmental institution. Somehow, this governmental institution failed to take into account the Federal Holiday that was on February 15 of this year. Have you heard of a little holiday called “President’s Day”? You have? Well, clearly, you are not employed by the EDD! President’s Day is one of those quirky little holidays where all the governmental buildings, and banks, shut down for the day. Which means, you guessed it! There was no possible way for me to receive the check/continued claim form on February 15, 2010.

I find it difficult to believe the the EDD just overlooked the fact that this was a federal holiday. Didn’t they shut down for it? Did no one who works for the EDD question the reason why they were all getting a three day weekend?

Somebody in there should have had enough reasoning capability to go “Hmm…. let’s see…. Monday is a holiday. All the governmental stuff shuts down. Mail will not be delivered. Oh! We should work a teeny bit harder and get this week’s checks/continued claim forms mailed out earlier, so people will get them on time! Oh, wait, no, no… that’s too much work. How about we just add an extra day onto the claim form, so people will be able to mail their forms back to us ontime?”

Instead, the people of the EDD were probally thinking something like “Woo-hoo! Three day weekend for me! Let’s leave a few hours early on Friday, and start this weekend even earlier! Screw all those people who are relying on us. I got a three day weekend!”

This means that tonight, I will be filling out the my continued claim form knowing that it is already four days overdue. The postman will pick it up tomorrow, and then it will be five days overdue. I’ve no idea when it will actually arrive at the EDD. This is due to no fault of my own. I’m certain there are a lot of other people out there on Unemployment Insurance who are tired of playing these little games with the EDD.

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9
Feb 10

“Piecework” is Not Enough

So much for that idea!

Yesterday, I was expecting to get one of my Unemployment Insurance checks. They come every two weeks, and I had been filling out and sending all the continued claim forms on time, as requested. Yesterday, Monday, February 8, 2010, should have been the day the check arrived.

Except that it didn’t.

Instead, I got an envelope from the EDD that didn’t look anything like the ones that the checks arrive in. I knew this couldn’t be a good thing. As I walked back from the mailbox, I was convinced that this was the “letter of doom” I still believe I’m going to someday receive. I was certain this was the letter telling me that they decided to cut off my Unemployment Insurance benefits, due to some loophole they found that would cheat me out of what was, in reality, my money.

Instead, I got what looked like a continued claim form. Attached to it was NO CHECK! None at all. Needless to say, I was not at all impressed.

The little perforated part at the top, which usually has reasonably understandable information printed on it said this:

“This is a duplicate claim form. On your original form, the “total hours worked” (6B) was incomplete or incorrect. The “total hours worked” each week is required regardless of how you are paid. Please complete the entire form. Sign and mail immediately but no later than 2-18-10.”

Now, I was confused. I was pretty sure that the big blue booklet didn’t say anything about writing down the number of hours I worked. Let’s check that part again. Page 16 says:

“If you receive pay for piecework, report the total amount paid in the week it was earned. Include the word “piecework” in item 6b along with your earnings.”

Nope, I didn’t somehow misread it. This paragraph that mentions “piecework” does not say one word about writing down the total number of hours worked on the form next to where you write “piecework”. Which means that I followed their directions exactly as they wrote them, and still, the EDD felt the need to punish me by withholding my check.

It seems to me that there are more little quirks and loopholes hidden in the rules that govern if and when I can get my Unemployment Insurance checks than one can possibly find simply by reading, and re-reading, the information pamphlets that they send out to you. I believe that these rules are designed specifically so the EDD can prevent people from getting their money. They are supposed to be helping people!

So, what happens now? Well, I’ve already filled out the “duplicate claim form”. I figured out how many hours I worked, (best guess, since freelance writing does not actually pay by the hour), and wrote that down on the form, next to the word “piecework”.

We put it in the mail today. The mail generally arrives here between 3 and 4 PM, which means that I did not have the time to rush through filling out the duplicate claim form and drive like a madwoman down to the post office. But, even if I managed to do that, the duplicate claim form still would not have gotten processed until today, Tuesday February 9, 2010, anyway.

Since the only thing I can count on the EDD to be is “slow”, and since it likes to take at least two weeks to do anything at all, I can be assured of one fact. I will not see the money I was supposed to have in my hand yesterday until possibly Monday, February 22, 2010. This is a guess, because, who knows how long it takes them to process a “duplicate” claim form. That could be an entirely different department, for all I know!

I’ve no idea if I will receive the continued claim form , (and the check that would be attached to it), that I would have expected to receive on February 22, 2010 at all. Will it send me two checks at the same time? Somehow, I highly doubt that.

In other words, despite following their written directions, I am being punished by the EDD. Perhaps someone in their organization hates freelance writers?

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6
Feb 10

Piece

I am still working as a freelance writer at this moment. So far, I love it. There have been times when I needed to find my motivation to continue writing, as opposed to, say, continuing to play World of Warcraft for another hour. But, for the most part, I am having a good time. Again, the job has an endpoint, and I am aware of that. My employer has offered me extra work, and then some more extra work, and I think that is a good sign of things to come.

There is something very interesting in the big blue pamphlet that I am so glad to have found. For those of you new to this blog, the big blue pamphlet is one of the first things I was sent when I signed up for Unemployment Benefits. It’s an informational booklet, designed to answer questions about the whole process. Inside, there is this lovely word: “Piecework”.

Page 16 of the booklet states:
“If you receive pay for piecework, report the total amount paid in the week it was earned. Include the word “piecework” in item 6b along with the employer’s name”.

I had been wondering just how I was supposed to let the EDD know that I had been hired as a (temporary) freelance writer. I considered trying to figure out how many hours I worked on it, and also thought maybe it would want me to somehow convert the pay into hours. Nope! I am being paid a specific dollar amount for a specific amount of writing. This means I am being paid by the piece. I am doing “piecework”!

Every two weeks, I must fill out another Continued Claim Form, and send it to the EDD (the government) to review. I will have to do this every two weeks until my Unemployment Insurance runs out, or, I manage to get a job that is going to sustain me like the full time job that I once had. In general, when it comes to filling out government forms, it’s best and smartest to find a way to make everything fit “into the box”. It seems that the EDD wants me to call the freelance writing I am doing “piecework”. I assume that if I was a carpenter being paid by each piece of cabinet I put together that would also be called “piecework”.

That lovely little word “piecework” is going to make things so much easier for me! Easy is good, especially when dealing with paperwork from Unemployment Insurance.

I’ve got one more little update, but it’s not as important as “piecework”. In a previous blog, I mentioned that I had a little coupon from Baja Fresh. I had to go online, sign up on their website, and write a code down onto the coupon itself, before bringing the coupon into the store. Seems I have been misreading the coupon. Disregard what I put in my previous blog. The correct amount was it gives you five dollars off of a ten dollar (or more) purchase.

I am happy to announce it worked, with no questions asked. Shawn and I went to Baja Fresh to eat dinner after watching Avatar in 3D. Both of us had friends rave about how awesome that movie was, and that we needed to see it in 3D before it left the theaters, and this made it seem like as much of a cultural event as we get nowadays. So, we saw the movie, (yes, the movie was awesome), and then went to Baja Fresh afterwards. We spent about ten bucks, used the coupon, and immediately got five bucks off. No hassle, and no questions asked. It’s nice when places live up to the promise they print on their coupons.